If you listen to the rumors, it appears that Tom Brady is seriously considering joining the Tennessee Titans for the 2020 season. And to make matters worse, the Titans are said to be fine with that plan. Well, I am not fine with that plan. I realize Tom Brady is considered by most to be “The GOAT” but I can’t stand him. Everything about him makes my skin crawl. His stupid face. His whiny personality. The fact that he plays for the worst organization in the history of sports. He is the worst and I want no part of him on my favorite team. I don’t think I’m alone.
As far as I’m concerned, Ryan Tannehill did everything he needed to do to earn the job for the foreseeable future. I see no reason to do anything other than ride with the guys who took our Titans to the AFC Championship game last season. Tom Brady makes little to no sense in this offense with all that in mind. So, here are five things I would rather do than cheer for him.
1. Talk Politics
There are few things I dislike more than politics. I don’t care what side of the aisle you are on, I don’t want to talk to you about it. It’s all a big game anyway so why do we care so much. I would rather be trapped in a room with Donald Trump, Nancy Pelosi, and Bernie Sanders for 3 hours than cheer for Tom Brady.
2. Do Yoga
I realize yoga is supposed to be good for you. I can realize this and still hate everything about it. At some point, years ago, someone had the wonderful idea to make a very unpleasant thing – working out – incredibly boring as well. It’s a classic “lose-lose” scenario. And yet, I would rather perform the world’s least coordinated or attractive “downward dog” every day for the rest of my life than cheer for Tom Brady.
3. Listen to Billie Eilish
This one is tough. I’ve heard a few of Billie’s “songs” and it was an incredibly painful process. I swear, she’s punking everyone. It was all a big joke but somehow people have taken it seriously and now she’s out there winning Grammy’s. Still, I would rather listen to three (shudder) hours of Billie Eilish whisper and mumble her way through what the kids are calling music these days than to cheer for Tom Brady.
4. Drink Kombucha
This drink is supposedly healthy for you. The people who drink it believe it can pretty much cure anything – including cancer. I think that should tell you all you need to know about it. Also, it’s tea fungus, so it has that going for it as well. Literally, you grow a tea fungus and drink it. Hard pass. And even still, I would shotgun gallons of that swill before I cheer for Tom Brady.
5. Wear Sweatpants
I have made my views on sweatpants perfectly clear in the past.They are the worst pants option available. However, I would wear sweatpants every day and to church on Sundays before I would cheer for Tom Brady.
What about you? How are you feeling about this whole “Tom Brady to the Titans” talk? I would love to hear all about it.
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3 thoughts on “Five Things I Would Rather Do Than Cheer For Tom Brady”
This is my favorite article you’ve ever done.
Thanks, Stephanie! Yours is my favorite comment ever!
I hope he doesn’t end up in the SB this year. The bouquet throwers that call him GOAT will be back out in mass (especially after today’s win over GB).